Preparing for a Marriage, Not Just a Wedding

Preparing for a Marriage... Not Just a Wedding

Hi Everyone!

I hope you are all having a lovely week. 🙂

Today’s post is something that has been on my mind for awhile now. I think a lot of people get too focused on weddings and forget the sacred importance of marriage.

Being engaged, a lot of talk and planning revolves around wedding this and wedding that. Sometimes I wish I could forget the wedding all together and just get married for goodness sake! But at the same time I am trying to redirect my focus away from the wedding… on onto the marriage. Let me explain. 🙂

For the first few days and weeks of our engagement, most of my mental energy was being used to plan the main details of our wedding. Conversations were centered around the wedding and so were most of my thoughts and daydreams. However, that could not continue and here is why…

The wedding IS very important. however, the wedding itself is not the most important thing.

The marriage is the most important thing. If I plan and prepare for a beautiful Christ-centered wedding but forget to prepare for the marriage itself, then I will have failed.

Once the ceremony is over and the honeymoon comes to an end… I will be facing the rest of my life as a married woman. The tuxedo will return to the store, my flowers will wilt, and the dress will fade. But the marriage? That’s the most important thing. The one I will be committed to for the rest of my life.

Preparing for a wedding is almost pointless if I am not serious about planning and preparing for a marriage. 

After the wedding, life will go on…

Meals must be cooked, the house must be cleaned, and most importantly, my (future) husband will need to be loved, honored, respected, cherished, reverenced, and well cared for. That is where the bulk of planning and preparation should be. And at times, I need to remind myself that I need to keep that my main priority.

Regardless of your own relationship status… before you daydream about a beautiful wedding and honeymoon, consider what it will take to make a beautiful marriage.

Here are some questions all of us girls need to ponder (myself included!)…

Preparing for a Marriage, Not Just a Wedding

  • How is my personal walk with God? Is it consistent? Is it strong enough to sustain me through disappointments and hard times? If I lived the rest of my life without the companionship of a husband would my relationship with God sustain me?
  • Is God’s love (alone) enough for me? Human love is imperfect and flawed. Only God can love me so intimately and perfectly. No one person can fill all my deepest longings and the desires of my heart. If I “need” another person to love me, then I will be dreadfully disappointed.
  • What do I need to change? What habits and tendencies do I display that could have a negative affect in my relationship or future marriage?
  • How are my cooking skills? A man needs to eat. 😉
  • What can I do to prepare for the future God has for me? What does God want me to do with my life? Are there skills I need to develop in order to serve God more effectively now and in the future?

Take some time to ponder the above questions… jot down your answers on a piece of paper or a journal.

What We are Doing

I am so thankful for a fiance’ who wants to be prepared for our marriage – and not just the wedding! I am sure there are a lot of things that would help us prepare for our future, but here some simple things we have begun doing to prepare for our marriage…

  • Pre-marital counseling. I am so thankful we have the opportunity to go through pre-marital counseling. Being taught and reminded of the what the Bible says about marriage is a priceless thing.
  • Book studies. As an extension of our pre-marital counseling, we are going through the book Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack. As recommended, we are reading the chapters separately and then answering the applicable questions together. And individually, we are also focusing on reading books about marriage and the home.
  • DVD series by S.M. Davis. I was introduced to S.M. Davis by my fiance’ and I love watching his messages on DVD! Basically, S.M. Davis is a fantastic preacher who has many of his messages on various DVD series. We have been going through the ladies collection and the men’s collection…  and we typically watch one on a Sunday afternoon (or during a date night). I would highly recommend that you check them out! (You can find more by visiting the website, Solve Family Problems).
  • Praying. One thing I’ve been learning through our engagement, is that we need to pray!  We can’t plan and prepare for a wedding or a marriage without God’s wisdom and grace. There is a lot to think about, and a lot of decisions to be made… and we need a lot of prayer! I am so thankful for a fiance’ that takes the initiative to pray together!
  • Cooking. This one is for me. Cooking meals is something I’ve been trying to add to my week (at my mom’s insistence!). It’s fun trying new recipes, and it is fun learning to balance meals around work (especially when it’s a day when I work from morning till supper time!). The crock pot is my best friend! 🙂

That’s the basics… we also do our best to communicate well – and often! I have an extremely patient and loving fiance’ so communication with him is pretty great!  I can talk to him about anything, and talking to him makes me feel better! 🙂

Final Thoughts

I realize that my blog readers are in various stages in their lives… but whether you are single, in a relationship, or planning a wedding… make sure you keep the focus where it ought to be. Instead of dreaming about a perfect wedding (someday in the future), put your thoughts, efforts and prayers into having a beautiful marriage that lasts!

Rebekah Joy (2)

3 thoughts on “Preparing for a Marriage, Not Just a Wedding

  1. This is very good! Defintely needs to be pondered! I’m only seventeen, but I am going to start thinking and praying on this area for the future!

  2. Hey Rebekah,

    I love Dr. S.M. Davis’ videos! I’m so glad you mentioned it. A friend of mine introduced me to his courtship/ betrothal series when I was contemplating a boyfriend, and I’m so glad she did. Now, I have a better understanding of single/ betrothal/ married life done the Lord’s way. No regrets! Thank you for following Jesus’ path for your life and being an encouragement to other women of God.

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