Last week, I shared my thoughts on Preparing for a Marriage, and Not Just a Wedding. Today, I want to talk specifically to those of you are not yet in a relationship. I realize that sometimes being single may feel kind of hopeless (I felt that way a few times in the past!), but honestly, it doesn’t have to be that way!
As many of you know – whether by reading my blog or knowing me personally… I am engaged to an amazing young man. And yes, trust me, being in the right relationship, with the right guy, at the right time is absolutely wonderful. There are times when I think I couldn’t be happier, and my face often hurts from smiling so much. Courtship and engagement are definitely two very wonderful and special things. However, looking back I can see how special complete singleness was as well. Being completely single and unattached is also a special and wonderful time in it’s own way. Singleness is a gift just as much as a special relationship, a courtship, or a marriage.
People in a relationship are not blessed or privileged more than others. And I believe that those who are completely single can be just as happy as those in a relationship if they choose to embrace it fully.
Back in the Spring of 2015, I reached a turning point in my life. I knew I wanted to be happy being single. It was a struggle sometimes, but the more I thought about the blessings of being single, the more I enjoyed it and felt truly happy and free. I only wish I had come to that realization a whole lot earlier in my teen years. There are things that I would have done differently, and I know that if I had changed my focus a bit, I would have been even happier. So dear friends, please learn from my mistakes… here’s what I would have done differently to have been happier as a single girl.
How to Be Happy Being Single
Make Jesus Christ the Joy and Center of Your Life
“Thou wilt show me the path of life, in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Psalm 16:11
“Delight thyself also in the Lord…” Psalm 37:4
This is something I did not do, and still struggle to do. Whether single, in a relationship, or already married… Jesus Christ must be the source of our joy. Looking to others to make us happy will only bring us disappointments and frustration. Others will disappoint us and even utterly fail us at times, Jesus Christ will not.
My fiance’ makes me very, very happy… but if I always look to him to always make me completely happy, he will have the undeserved weight of an impossible expectation. I will end up being disappointed and we will both be absolutely miserable as a result.
I remember an older, godly woman telling me that people (including a someday husband) would disappoint me, but the Lord will not – for that reason she told me I must make my relationship with Christ the main thing in my life. Her advice has stuck with me all these years, but sadly, I still struggle to make Christ the center of my life and the complete source of my joy. It’s something we must purpose to do – now and for the rest of our lives.
Stop Worrying About Your Future
“Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God, And the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
Oh how I remember those moments of agonizing over my future. Whether I was 15 or 18, I hate to admit, those moments happened. Those scary thoughts of what if…. “no one is ever interested in me?”, “I have to remain single for x amount of years?”, “I never get married at all?”. Yes, those thoughts and fears ran through my mind on more than one occasion!
I never felt like a desperate teenage girl (maybe I was at times) but it worries me how many girls go through the same thoughts and fears but then take it a step farther. I feel sad when I see other girls vying for guy attention and making poor decisions to get it. It also makes me feel sad when I hear girls talk about how ready and impatient they are for a boyfriend and a relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, I was NOT the perfectly, contented single girl either! I worried and made my own mistakes too but please, don’t waste your time (or lose your joy) worrying about your future -it’s not worth it.
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Trusting the Lord with your life, and your future is not a feeling, it’s a choice. When you choose to trust Him with everything, including your future and a relationship, you will know the peace that passes all understanding and He will fill your heart with joy.
So, when the fears and doubts come, when you wonder “when will my prince come?” Choose to trust the Lord instead. He has a wonderful future in store for you – just wait and learn to fully embrace your life right where you are.
Use Your Time Wisely
“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time because they days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16
Your single years are such a special time to grow in your relationship and knowledge of God, to learn more about yourself, to grow as a person, to get involved in various ministries, to witness to others, etc. It’s also the perfect time to find out your purpose. Use this time to discover those things that bring more joy and fulfillment to your life. Find those special things that God created and wired you to do.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
I was completely (and utterly! 😉 ) single when I started this blog, when I decided I wanted to learn and grow as much as possible, when I started taking voice lessons, and when I began to enjoy piano again. I didn’t even know Adam existed when I told my mom I thought I would love to be in the ministry someday. Lo and behold, only two years later and I’m engaged to a young man planning to be in full-time ministry.
Looking back I can see how God used that short single season in my life to prepare for where I am right now, and where (Lord willing) we will be in the future.
Dear friend, please hear me now…. God wants to use your singleness to prepare you for your future! Don’t waste it.
I wasted precious time in the past. There are moments I wish I could steal back and use differently. I wish I would have spent more time with the Lord, more time reading and studying, and more time learning new skills. And oh how I wish I could have kept my focus in the right place throughout all my teen years.
Choose to use this time to grow in your relationship with Christ. Choose to grow as a person and to use your time in the BEST ways possible. Use your single season to live for God now, and to prepare for whatever He may have for you in the future! Be surrendered to His will and He will guide you!
Just so you know… I don’t spend time grieving over how I spent my time as a single girl. Nor do I wish those years back. My hope is that you will learn from my mistakes and do things differently. I was pretty happy being single (most of the time) but I know I could have enjoyed it even more. I hope you will choose to see singleness for the gift it truly is – and embrace it. Be happy being single – you won’t regret it.
I read a lot of books during my teen years. Several of them were about being single and using that special season in a God-honoring way. Out of all those books, there are two that stand out in my mind as being my favorites. Here they are…
Lady In Waiting: Becoming God’s Best by Waiting for Mr. Right by Jackie Kendall – I read this book two times, and went back now and then for reminders. It was a very enjoyable read and I learned a lot. The author uses the examples of Ruth and Boaz throughout the book, which I loved! This book would be a help to any girl who is single or already dating/courting.
Before You Meet Prince Charming: A Guide to Radiant Purity by Sarah Mally – I finally read this book after I met my Prince Charming 😉 but I wish I would have read it much sooner! Sarah Mally weaves truth and practical advice for all single girls throughout this lovely book. Girls who are already in a relationship will benefit from this book as well!
I Would Love To Know
- How do you feel (or did you feel) about being single?
- If you are single, how do you plan to enjoy this time?
Please share your thoughts in the comment section! I love hearing from all of you!