Hi Friends,

A few week’s ago I shared that one of my 6 goals for 2019 is to cultivate life-giving relationships with others. This is something I have neglected in the past several years and it’s something I am choosing to be intentional about this year. Many of you have expressed a desire to do the same in your relationships this year.

I believe today’s post is going to help you and I in our friendships with others. However, this post was not written by me. Instead, this post was written by my mother-in-law. She originally shared these notes at a ladies retreat and once again at a ladies fellowship at our church. Unfortunately, I missed both the retreat and the ladies fellowship so I asked her to send me her notes. When she did, I knew I had to share this with you! All of these thoughts are so good and I know they will be a blessing and a help to you too.

These notes are shared with my mother-in-law’s permission, with a few slight edits from me. At the end, I can’t wait to hear your own thoughts on the important topic of friendship. Let’s jump right in to my mother-in-law’s notes!

God’s Design for Friendships

The Definition of “Friend”

Let’s first start by learning the Bible definition of the word “friend”. The word “friend” today is used very loosely, especially with social media. A friend may just be someone who is in a circle of communication over the internet. But the Bible definition for the word “friend” is so much deeper than that. There are two definitions of the word “friend” in the Greek New Testament. The meaning for most of the verses is:

1. Loved, beloved, dear. A few other verses mean…

2. Comrade, associate, companion

To put it simply, the Bible meaning for friend is one who is loved.

In John 13:23, Jesus had friends that He loved here on earth. Specifically, the Bible says that Jesus loved Mary, and Martha, and their brother Lazarus. He called Lazarus his friend. Of course, the disciples were his close friends. But perhaps Jesus’ closest friend was the disciple John. Several times in the book of John, John is described as one whom Jesus loved (John 19:26 and John 20:2). In John 13:23 it says, “Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.” This disciple was John.

So John and Jesus were friends because of the love that they had for one another. We, as well, ought to have friends and love others if we are going to follow His example.

Why Friendships Are Important

But why have friends? Is it necessary? I believe it is not good to be completely without friendships in this world – I believe that friendships are essential for us in our lives. God designed friendships for some very important reasons and purposes. The first reason why friendships are important is:

1.To fulfill a basic need of fellowship in our lives.

Let’s consider the very first relationship that existed between God and man in the book of Genesis. It is fascinating to me that God had friendships in mind when he created man. I believe that God created Adam and Eve for the purpose of having an intimate personal fellowship with them. They, in turn, could also enjoy an intimate personal fellowship with God where they would glorify Him, worship Him, praise Him, adore Him, and live in close communion with Him.

Before sin came into the world, God walked and talked together with Adam in the Garden of Eden. They had sweet fellowship. Imagine – God and Adam together. They were the first friends! How wonderful that must have been!

Rev. 4:11 says, “thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” It is an amazing thought that God received great pleasure having a friendship with Adam.

And yet even today, God can still receive pleasure with having a friendship with us. He can still be our very best friend, too. He should be given first place above all men. And although we don’t physically see God and walk and talk with Him in a garden like Adam did, God arranged a way for us to have close fellowship with him today. God talks to us through His Word. And we talk to God through prayer. Think about that – we can be best friends with God!

That is why it is so important to read the Bible every day and pray every day so we can continue to have that close, intimate friendship with God! That “God and I time” together will provide us with all the necessary fellowship that we ever need in this life. Even if we go throughout this life without ever having any friends, God alone is all we need and He alone can provide that basic need of friendship or fellowship in our lives.

Even though God is all we need, we, like God, were made to be social beings like Him. God created human beings in such a way that we function best interdependent on one another. God’s plan and God’s will for our lives is not only for us to enjoy a personal relationship with God, but also to enjoy personal relationships with man.

As we look as Jesus’ life as a man, we know that Jesus grew socially.

Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” So he grew mentally, physically, spiritually, and also socially.

Do you know that fellowship was a main part of the worship of God in the early church? In Acts 2:42, it says: “And they continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.” The fellowship of like-minded believers is very important and should not be neglected.

I don’t know about you, but one of the reasons I particularly love coming to church each week is to enjoy fellowshipping with believers. It definitely lifts my spirits!

Fellowship and friendship among believers is so vital that that we are warned not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. (Hebrews 10:25: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”)

We can get so much more done for the cause of Christ if we operate as a team with other believers – we work together, learn together, and resolve problems together rather than alone.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The truth is that we need each other today more than ever before. We live in a world full of unsaved, ungodly people whose father is not the God that we serve. We need to fellowship with those that have God as their heavenly Father and are living in obedience to Him. In today’s world we absolutely need the fellowship of likeminded believers in the faith. (Not a friend of the world – a friend of the faith)

A second reason why friendships are important is:

2. To encourage, admonish and comfort each other.

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Prov. 27:17

How do friends sharpen us?

• Friends can encourage and comfort you emotionally.

Friends can really be a blessing to you, especially when you’re sick or in the hospital, or going through a crisis. Friends can be there for you when times get really tough physically and emotionally. Sometimes that card or letter that they send you when you are down and out means everything to you at that time.

Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”.

Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep”.

It is a great blessing to love, laugh and cry together. This is absolutely essential for our Christian growth! God is also glorified and pleased when two friends are strengthening each other!

• Friends can encourage you spiritually.

. . .but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in faith, in spirit, in purity. I Timothy 4:12

Godly friendships can also keep people from falling into sin and getting discouraged. It even sparks enthusiasm in one another to do God’s will.

I know that my husband and I would not be at the place we are spiritually if it were not for the example and encouragement of other mature, godly people who were living for Christ. They were a walking testimony. We fellowshipped with them – we were invited over to their homes for a meal or for coffee and we were challenged by watching their lifestyle and learning about the choices that they made to please God and were edified to become stronger in the faith!

3. To minister to others.

We are called to be servants of Christ unto others. Jesus Christ came to earth not only to die for us, but also to minister to us.

Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of man can not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

If you are married and have a family, your husband and your family is your main responsibility. Your husband should be your best friend over any other friend. Give your husband and children the majority of your time. However, while it is important to keep your family first, we need to remember to let some room in our lives for ministering to others.

When we study the life of the virtuous woman, we see that she lived a life of service and good works. She is a wise, honorable woman who works very hard taking care of her home and the needs of her family. Yet notice in Proverbs 31:20 that she also finds time to help and serve others. “She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy”. We are not told what it was that she did; only that she used her hands and gave of herself to minister to others who had a need. Perhaps she made them clothing. Perhaps she gave them medical attention. Or perhaps she had a needy or hungry family over to her home for dinner. If the busy virtuous woman found time to do this, certainly we can too!

Related Post: What You Need to Know About the Proverbs 31 Woman

You know, having people over to your home is an excellent way that we can both fellowship with people, create lasting friendships, and serve them all at the same time. Whether it’s having them over for dinner, sitting around a campfire, playing games, or just drinking coffee, the object is to just get to know one another and enjoy being together.

Hospitality should be a part of any believer’s life – single or married. In fact, hospitality is a Bible command. I Peter 4:9 says, “Use hospitality one to another without grudging.” This command is closely connected with love. It follows I Peter 4:8 which says, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” Hospitality is one of the best ways we can show fervent charity among ourselves. You know, when we shake hands with people at church and say hello to them that is an act of kindness. But when we have them over to our home, that is an act of love. Hospitality is love in action. We are showing others that we love them by giving them our time and something to eat or drink. Because hospitality is an act of love, it often creates a natural bond of friendship between the two sets of people.

Perhaps what often prohibits us from having friends and being hospitable is that our values are misplaced. We put more priority on things than we do people. We don’t want anyone to see our messy house. We do not want to sacrifice our time. We are too busy. We say it costs too much money to have people over for dinner. Our calendars are filled with things that must be done and we just can’t make room for fellowship.

While it is very true that making friends involves a sacrifice of our time and money, let us not forget that we serve God when we minister to people. We are often so busy and so wrapped up with things that we don’t take time for people. Have faith in God. If God wants us to do something, He will provide the time, energy, and money we need to do anything He wants us to do.

Conclusion

My final thoughts on friendship for today are found in Acts 9:36-39. Do you remember the story of Dorcas? Dorcas had many friends. We know this because when she died of an illness, many saints and widows cried and wept over her death. They missed her. They wanted her to still be with them. Now why was this? It is because she spent her life doing good things for others. She made clothing for people. Her life was spent giving to others and making other people happy by her good deeds. And when she died, it made many people sad that such a thoughtful and caring woman was now gone. You can just imagine how happy they were when Peter raised her back to life again.

Ladies, let Dorcas be an example to you of the kind of friend you should be to others.

Don’t have anxiety or worry about having friends. Our life should not be about “me having friends”. Friendship is a wonderful thing, but this should not be the focus of our life.

Concentrate on building others up in the faith and let the results of friendships in your lives up to God. And may I also challenge all of you ladies here today including myself to not only be a blessing to your secret sister, but continue being a blessing to each other as well. We all need each other’s fellowship and we all benefit greatly when we encourage each other and minister to one another. I love Psalms 133: 1: Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

Remember that the best things in life are not things, but people. Things cannot return your love. Time spent with the Lord, family and friends is priceless. Love and invest your life in people. The returns will be great. Ask God today to help you establish wonderful, Christ-centered relationships and friendships with people.

Final Thoughts (From Rebekah)

Well, dear friend, I hope this post on God’s design for friendships was a blessing and encouragement to you! Whenever I read over these thoughts and truths I am reminded that friendship isn’t just all about me. It’s about the people God has placed in my life to serve, minister, and love. These days, we have such a selfish view of friendships. I hope this post will be a good reminder to you that God created and designed friendship for a reason. It’s for your good spiritually and emotionally and it’s for the good of those around us.

What will you do today to cultivate life-giving friendships with others? Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on the topic of friendship!