What should a young woman look for in a future husband?
This post has been asked for, and talked about, but I’m little nervous about sharing this. Why? Because this is what I am looking for in a future husband, and I don’t want anyone to take this post the wrong way. Before you continue reading, please know this:
- I do not expect any young man who shows an interest in me to be perfect -just growing.
- Because I’ve never been married, I have only a few ways of knowing what I need in a future husband. I’ve compiled this list through reading books, talking to my Pastor, and talking to other godly women.
At the end of my list, I will share a smaller list that was given to me – It’s the seven biblical responsibilities of a husband. So, keep reading, my dear friend!
8 Things A Young Woman Should Look for in a Future Husband
(My Personal List)
1) Spiritual Growth
I don’t believe it would be biblical for me to allow a young man to pursue me if he is not a born-again Christian (2 Cor. 6:14). That is a “non-negotiable”. Taking it a bit further, I don’t want to find myself married to stagnant Christian. Before being pursued by a young man, I want to be able to see the fruit of his spiritual life. Is he faithful to church and ministry? Does he pray? How is his walk with God? Does he just “talk the talk” or does he actually “walk the walk”? Does he know the Bible and base his life and decisions after it? I want to marry a man who is growing spiritually.
2) Leadership Skills
Leadership skills are very important to me… I want to marry someone I can follow, not someone I will have to lead. My pastor’s wife once told me “make sure you marry a man who can lead you spiritually.” Someday when I am married, I don’t want to be the one that has to initiate prayer times, family devotions, or other spiritual matters. While I am supposed to be a key part in all those things, I want my future husband to be the spiritual leader of the home.
I don’t want to be with a man who makes me feel insecure or threatened. I want someone I can trust to tell the truth, act appropriately around other women, and who will keep his word as much as possible. I want to marry a man I can trust with my heart.
4) Wisdom with Finances
If my husband is to be the main provider for the home, he needs to be wise with his finances. Finances issues are some of the biggest hurdles couples face in marriage. Good stewardship and wise handling of money are two things I am looking for in a future husband.
5) Love and kindness towards others
How does he treat his mom? Is he loving and respectful? Is he kind to children, and loving towards other people? How he treats his mother (or sisters) is a very good indication of how he will treat me. How he interacts with children, will tell me what he will be like with his own children someday. I want to marry a man who is loving and kind.
6) Diligence and Direction
Because the husband is to be the main provider of the home, he will need to be diligent. He must be a hard-worker in order to provide for a home and family. I am also looking for someone with direction and a clear sense of what God wants him to do with his life. I am a very goal and growth oriented person, I want to marry a man who has direction and the discipline and diligence needed to carry it out.
7) Not Given to Anger
Ever since reading, “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go;” (Proverbs 22:24), I have decided I will not consider a young man who has any serious anger issues. Most of us get angry and upset from time-to-time, however, if a young man has an explosive temper, that could be very dangerous in the future. I do not want to marry a man given to anger.
8) Willing to accept correction from others, submissive to authority
Before allowing a young man to pursue me, I would like to know how he responds to correction. Is he too proud to listen? Does he ignore it? Does he get upset or rebel? Or, does he show meekness and humility when someone corrects him? I’ve been reading in Proverbs on a daily basis for a couple years now… I’ve learned that how someone responds to reproof or correction is a clear sign of either wisdom or folly in their life. I want to marry a man who can humbly accept correction and learn from it. I don’t want to marry a man with a proud or rebellious spirit.
That’s My List
There are many other things I could (and probably should) add to this list…. however these 8 things are the things that come to my mind when asked about “future husband qualifications”. I hope this list is helpful to those who are wondering what a young woman should look for in a future husband. Please remember, this is just my own list. You should take the time to look at Scripture, talk to godly wives, read books and decide what you will look for in your future husband.
Following is a list that was given to me a long time ago. This is a list of the biblical responsibilities of a husband. Each of these responsibilities are taken right from Scripture… hopefully this list will also help you in deciding what you ought to be looking for in a future husband.
The Biblical Responsibilities of the Husband
(A List Given to Me)
- To cleave to his wife (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5; Eph. 5:31; 1 Peter 3:7)
- To lead his wife (Gen. 3:16, 17; 1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:24)
- To love his wife (sacrificially/unconditionally for her benefit – Eph. 5:25-28)
- To provide for his wife (1 Tim. 5:8)
- To know his wife (1 Peter 3:7)
- To honor his wife (1 Peter 3:7)
- To meet the physical needs of his wife (1 Cor. 7:3-5)
(The roles/duties in marriage are designed to fulfill the needs of the mate.)
I hope these two lists are a helpful guide to you, as you determine what you will look for in a future husband! Who we marry is the second most important decision we will make in our life (the first is regarding salvation). We ought to be learning all we can so we can make wise and biblical decisions regarding a future husband and marriage.
Some Helpful Resources
Here are some helpful books that I have read and used to research on the guy/girl topic. Not all of these line up with my beliefs 100%, but I have gleaned wisdom and some helpful information from each one.
What He Must Be by Voddie Bachaum Jr. (I only read parts of this book for the purpose of writing this post)