Hey Friends,
This post has been on my mind for several weeks now, and I am so excited to be sharing it with all of you! I love learning about femininity and what it means to be a lady so we’re continuing this topic again today (did you read last week’s post?).
This title sounds a little negative, but I promise I will keep it light and positive. Today, I want us to look at certain things that can hurt (not help!) our femininity. Please read this post with an open heart and mind… I will try to word everything as gently as possible because of the controversial nature of this post. 😉
Let’s get started!
5 Things That HURT a Woman’s Femininity
1. Spending Little or No Time with “Older Women”
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5
God has given us a biblical pattern for learning – we as younger women are to learn from the older women around us. From them, we can learn principles of godliness and holiness, chastity (purity), submissiveness, and a myriad of practical skills such as how to take care of our homes and families!
It is these older women that can also teach us principles they have learned about being a godly wife, mother, and feminine lady!
Never underestimate what you can learn from the godly women around you – whether it’s a godly mother, grandmother, aunt, older sister, Pastor’s wife, Sunday school teacher, instructor, etc.
I am so incredibly thankful for the women who have invested (and continue to invest) in my life! I have learned so much from them!
If you are not spending time with godly older women, you need to make the effort to surround yourself with some godly, feminine examples. To ignore the wonderful, God-given blessing of Titus 2 women is a grave mistake you must not make!
2. Ignoring Feminine/Domestic Duties
“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5:14
Are you avoiding certain duties or activities that will teach you how to properly manage a home and family? Whether you are in a relationship or not – it doesn’t matter! We all can learn the following life skills:
- Cooking – Preparing food can be a daunting task when you’re not sure how to do it, but once you learn it’s so much fun! Learning how to cook will serve you well for the rest of your life!
- Cleaning – You will always live in something that needs to be cleaned. Once you learn how to clean quick and efficiently, it’s not bad at all. (I love this cleaning book!)
- Caring for Children – It’ so important to learn how to lovingly care for children. Put yourself in situations where you’ll be surrounded by children. It’s the best way to learn!
- Organizing/Scheduling – Life can be crazy, it’s important to know how to live organized and schedule things properly.
- Managing Time – We all have the same amount of time in a day, we can learn how to make every minute count! (This is one of my favorite time-management books!)
- Gardening – It’s so much fun to grow and harvest your own food – it saves money, it’s fun, and it’s healthier too!
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Sewing and Mending – I must admit, I don’t particularly enjoy sewing or mending. But, with modest clothing being SO HARD to find, it’s a helpful skill to learn. It’s also amazed me how often my husband rips his jeans and I need to patch them! Buttons pop off pretty quick too. 🙂
All of these things (and more!) are helpful life skills that a lady can learn and use in her lifetime.
Transitioning from “single-life” to “wife-life” as been surprisingly smooth for me, because my mom taught me many of the above skills.
If you are not practicing, reading, and learning about these feminine, and domestic skills, now is the time to start learning. Don’t wait, start now!
>>> Related Post: 7 Things Every Young Woman Should Know
3. Not Spending Time with Children
“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.” Psalm 113:9
I believe that God has laid in the heart of every woman, a very unique mothering instinct. In some ladies this may need to be nurtured and fostered a little bit – but every woman has the capacity to love and nurture a child. While some women may never have children of their own, a lady can still care for a child even is she is not their natural mother.
If you are not spending time with children, learning how to love, nurture, care for, and teach them, you may be smothering or ignoring your natural gift of mothering. This ability to love and care for children is a gift from God – don’t hide it or smother it – nurture it!
Here are some ways you can learn how to “mother” the children around you:
- Volunteer to help in your church’s nursery (you may need to be at least 16 years old depending on your church).
- Reach out to the younger girls in your church, school, or home. Learn to include them in activities, talk to them, and make the feel special.
- Start babysitting – whether for free or as a side job.
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Offer to hold a baby for a busy mama – sometimes mom’s have their hands full with several small children. Offer to hold her baby or keep an eye on her toddlers.
Children are everywhere – look for them and notice them.
Make an effort to spend time and interact with small children. Avoiding the children around you will hurt and hinder the natural mothering instinct God has given you! Spend time with little ones and nurture that gift instead!
4. Wearing Unfeminine Clothing
“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth to a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are an abomination to the LORD thy God.” Deuteronomy 22:5
Just yesterday I read a quote on this topic and immediately fell in love with it:
“Our foremothers settled this land, built houses, planted gardens, and tended animals in long skirts and beautiful dresses. Even their aprons were wonderful to behold! Surely in our day of microwaves, washing machines, and vacuum cleaners, we can do our chores with as much feminine flair as they.” – Jennie Chancey (Found in the book Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman)
I love this quote, and I have often thought the same thing. Personally, I do not wear pants (you can read my reasons for that here) and I love how feminine and modest it is to wear skirts and dresses 100% of the time. There’s nothing like wearing an outfit that you know is unquestionably modest and pleasing to the Lord.
When women don apparel that is unfeminine, they no longer need to carry themselves in a modest and feminine way. Throw on a pair of tight leggings and a comfy t-shirt and you can sit, stand, bend over, and do whatever you like without the need to carry yourself like a lady.
Skirts, dresses, and feminine tops help women and girls look, act, and walk like a true lady.
What a wonderful thing it is when women dress and act like the beautiful and feminine ladies God created them to be!
>>> Related Post: 20 Ways to Be a Lovely Lady
5. Adopting The World’s Mentality
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 1 John 2:15
“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:4-5
It seems as if every women out in the world today wants to be a successful career woman and #girlboss. Certainly being a stay at home wife or mom is the last thing any independent-minded woman would want to do, right?
In the world, and in many Christian circles, girls are being taught they need to go to college, get a degree, have a career, and once they are married with children, send their kids to daycare while they work a job. Many women believe their happiness is found in working outside the home.
Before I got married, I was a nanny for three little babies, each one came from a different family, but all each of their parents worked a full-time job outside the home. I will always remember the first day each mom left their little baby in my care. You could see the love, sadness, and longing in their eyes as they said goodbye to their precious baby. They always hesitated, and there were often tears in their eyes and on their cheeks as they left.
This always broke my heart.
Mamas, and future mamas, please stay home with your babies!
Do not miss incredible opportunity of mothering your children. Don’t trade this opportunity for a larger pay check. Working outside the home will never bring the happiness and fulfillment that was meant to be found caring for your home and family!
With social media, books, and TV, it is so, so easy to get caught up in the success and independence mindset our society. Reject this mentality. It is wrong and it will not bring the success, happiness and fulfillment that you seek.
Ultimately, our happiness and fulfillment comes from the Lord. But joy also comes when we obey God’s Word and His unique plan for our lives.
If marriage and motherhood is in your future, be sure to embrace it whole-hardheartedly when God says it’s time.
Reject the world’s mentality and embrace God’s plan.
>>> Related Post: God’s Purpose for You as a Woman
Final Thoughts
Dear Friend, I hope and pray that you will seek to become a godly and feminine woman who pleases the Lord. The first step to becoming a godly woman is spending time with God and His Word each day. After that, it’s obeying what we read! All of the things I shared today are principles and lessons that we find scattered throughout the Word of God.
Our world is becoming void of true godliness and femininity… will you choose to be different?
To help you in your quest to become a radiant, godly and feminine woman, I have created a special mini guide to help and guide you!
This mini guide will explain ten simple steps to help you become a godly and feminine lady. What are you waiting for, my friends? Get it now! 🙂
Click here to get the FREE mini guide sent to your inbox!
Now, if you’ve made it all the way to the end of this post… I want to hear from YOU!
What else do you think can HURT a woman’s femininity?
Share your thoughts in the comments!
All your points were so important, but I totally agree about that #girl boss vibe you mentioned. I’m seeing it more and more and I can’t help but think of the suffrage movement of the 1900s! God did not intend for women to be treated poorly, but He also didn’t intend for women to stand on a soapbox. We are called to be ladies and a true lady will go through the proper channels to effect change, God and her husband.
Thank you for sharing this with us! Every post blesses and encourages me!
Yes! It’s huge – I especially see it the most online and in business books and such. We definitely need to watch out for that attitude!
Wholeheartedly agree! Sadly,examples of teue Godly women hardly exist. By God’s grace, I will take your advice and seek to become more of a Godly lady who pleases the Lord by spending more time with God and His word every day so I can be an example to those younger than me. Thank you for sharing 💗
Hi Wendy, I hope this post was an encouragement to you! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Yes😊Thank you for encouraging! Great stuff💛
Your post is very inspiring, as always. You have a very nice style of writing. I don’t know when I finish reading the article.
It is the first time when I see a post about what hurts femininity.
I don’t have any idea about other things which could hurt femininity.
I may included the unbiblical friends who have a bad influence, alcohol, cigarettes, bad manners, untidyness and the lack of a basic education.
P.S. I received the e-mail with the mini guide from this post, but the link doesn’t work. I sent you an email about this problem. I hope it will be resolved soon because I want to see the mini guide.
God bless you!
I don’t know why in one version of Titus 2:4 appears “to be sober” and in the rest of the all versions of this verse it doesn’t appear. They start with “to love their husbands, to love their children….”
Hi Adda,
That’s why I only use the Kings James Version of the Bible:) Many other translations eliminate keys words, verses, phrases, etc. The KJV is the correct translation of the Word of God!
Rebekah
Hey Adda, I sent the corrected link to everyone who wanted to download the guide. Hopefully you already received it!
Yes, all of those things could certainly hurt a woman’s femininity – and her reputation! Those certainly are not attributes of a truly godly woman! Thank you for sharing!
Rebekah, this is so great! I know a lot of it is controversial and unpopular, but I couldn’t agree more 🙂 You do such a good job writing about these topics, and I could recommend your blog to any young girl with 100% confidence! You are such a light in this world!
Thanks, Elizabeth! You are always so sweet and encouraging ♥
Thank you for these powerful reminders! Femininity is so needed today 🙂
It would be very helpful for me if you would like to share an article about how to write an e-book, as you guided as how to start a blog. 😊
I will keep that in mind!! Thanks for the suggestion!
I absolutely adore this article. Thank you for serving the lord and being a light to others. It is a blessing to read your articles each week. I pray that one day I’ll have a family to stay home and take care of, if it is Gods will.
Thank you Hannah!
Hi Rebekah!
I’ve been following your posts for a while now, and am so grateful that you’ve tamen time to really delve into both modesty and femininity. They’re big topics, so kudos for taking on that challenge (and handling delicate and controversial topics so gracefully).
I’m curious to hear your thoughts regarding femininity and single-parenthood. I am a single woman and also a foster parent to two young boys (2 & 4 years old). By necessity, I am filling both/all roles in my household. I sometimes wonder: God called me to foster, but in taking on the head of household role, am I stepping beyond the bounds of femininity?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts (and seeing what’s next for your blog posts).
Cheers from the north,
Hannah
Hannah,
Reading your comment provoked some thoughts in my heart. I’m not really sure what to say as advice. But, I did want to pass along a couple thoughts.
1. Ideally, children belong in a 2 parent (one man and one woman) family. It is the ideal that God created.
2. Also, I thought of Amy Carmichael (missionary to India) and Mary Slusser (Africa) so long ago. They were young women who answered God’s call in their life to go and give the gospel to the unsaved. They also became “mothers” to unwanted children.
I think it would be hard to really have an orphanage in America anymore. But there is a foster care system. I don’t know what to say either way.Maybe take time to pray and study how you are to be a missionary where you are, especially with the 2 you are fostering. Hope that helps.
If people foster care for self-gratification, I think it really backfires. But as a “missionary,” there is opportunity.
Best regards
My parents are immigrants who got married at the very young age of 21. They raised me and my sibling (4 girls and 3 boys) to be work oriented and independent educated beings. They have moved away from talking about marriage, cooking and cleaning being reserved for girls, and talking about bearing children while we are still going through and some of us entering university. They are happily married and both work by the way. They love us and want to teach us how to value of hard work regardless of gender. So when you say “Reject this mentality. It is wrong and it will not bring the success, happiness and fulfillment that you seek.” Makes it seem that that mothers want to leave their children to suffer in the care of nannies. And not that they have bills to pay or passions of their owns they want to pursue or have worked and studied hard to achieve. All I’m saying is that you can wholeheartedly love your family and your career (that may help other people and allows you to provide for your family alongside your husband). Let me know your thoughts about stay-at-home dads? And if it’s a problem if we women get paid more then their partners? And if a partner doesn’t want you to work or go back to work? Thank you.
You made some really good points here. Speaking in a way that isn’t ladylike and using profanity really hurts a woman’s femininity as well! This has become so common in our culture today.
Yes unfortunately those things have become common – it’s so sad… And not at all lovely. Thanks for sharing Emily!
Love the article! Thank you so much!
I enjoyed reading your article. It’s crazy how women are chasing careers. I use to be a receptionist before I was married. I’m now a stay at home mom raising 4 children. It saddens me when woman are not there to raise their child(ren), and the Grandmother is having to repeat that process all over, time and time again. My own Mother and Sister look down on my choice of career and how I dress myself . I’ve always took care of myself and made sure that I dress well and not sloppy. It’s terrible when woman just don’t take the time to look well. It’s a bad rap they give us.
To be completely honest, I believe most of your points are ridiculous. Things like this is why I am so reluctant to become a full on Christian. I want to enjoy wearing pants, not wanting to have kids, and not having to stay at home to do all the chores without feeling judged. I want to live life as I please and if this is how the Bible says I have to live then I don’t want it. All these points just prove how demeaning it is to be a women in the Christian faith.
If it’s any consolation a full on Christian is one who obeys the Word and follows God’s leading. If you discern that any Christian or angel or anyone else tells you otherwise ignore them, love. At the end of the day being a full on Christian is a rebel against society and even Christian norms.
Hi Abby,
I’m sorry that you are feeling hesitant to becoming a “full Christian.” I understand where you are coming from where it seems demeaning to women to do simple things such as work or wear pants, but God has made us all a unique person. I also believe that God has a true, passionate love for you and its His joy for you to follow him. God calls us to love Him and love others. You can be a full on Christian and still persue a career. You can be a full on Christian and still wear pants. Your testimony of faith will not be the exact same as anyone else’s so please do not allow one person’s interpretation of what a woman of faith must look like pause your persual of Christ. Let the Lord guide your footsteps and work in your heart about what you must do to become a woman of Christ.
Many prayers,
Paige
I agree….it’s not what you wear …that saves you…or whether you work or not…
Its the work of the cross..
We need to be asking ourselves as women .
Is my life pleasing to God?
They could make dresses and nicer shoes and such less expensive. It’s why I’ve resorted to jeans and shirts. Stores also have pants and shirts as dress codes. You can’t do certain jobs in a dress they would be reuined by the end of a shift. Coming from someone who no one wanted to marry. And I can’t afford to even adopt a child.
Good Morning I was looking on Facebook and I found some stores that sell modest clothing. I do agree that a lady should dress modest. But I have always liked my slacks and being Apostolic Pentecostal and being told by my pastor every Sunday that ladies wear skirts and dresses at all times I know I need to grow up in this area. I give you credit for being a true lady of God and encouraging other women to be modest like The Lord wants us to be
I agree….it’s not what you wear …that saves you…or whether you work or not…
Its the work of the cross..
We need to be asking ourselves as women .
Is my life pleasing to God?
Actually, I don’t really know how to think about modesty and femininity.
I was born and raised in a christian family (as the second oldest of know 11 children) , so I lived by the norms and rules of our church even though I didn’t know why. So I wore the skirts and judged make-up, trousers, jewellery and nail polish – that is the concept of modesty I was taught.
Now -at the age of 19- I am a born again and baptized christian. And with time my perspective changed. I believe in every word the bible says and try my best to live in a way that pleases the Lord. And that means that I regularily need to “prove all things” in life – attitude, friends, music, clothing, eating, time management, words and so on.
I think that christ-centeredness is the most important part of a christian heart and that a christian needs to bear the fruits mentioned by Paul: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
And honestly, I want to want to be modest in the way described in this article.
But I don’t think that this is the way for me, even though I agree with the biblical argumentation and the logic behind this point of view. I just don’t seem to be capable of seemingly “limiting” my rights and to limit myself. I am a strong, leading character and I feel as if I can’t be myself when dressing and behaving as described above. I can’t help it, but I feel forced to oppress and cut away parts of my personility and character, just to follow one certain path of serving God. Don’t get me wrong, I love children, cooking, cleaning, exchanging views with different people and I only wear skirts. My problem seems to be the mentality. I’m someont who leads, who speaks her mind, is independent and has her own mind. For me, it seems impossible to be myself and to be that perfect, quiet, self-less lady. It seems to be a paradox. (But I am open to differing opinins.)
I have been struggeling to find my path as a christian – in my family, my church, work and everyday life. I don’t know why, but it is hard for me to be myself and a christian. There is my personality, the bible which I need to follow, the church that has its own ideal, my parents and friends with their ways and Jesus whom I want to serve. I feel as if have an extreme problem to find my identity in Christ.
I try to do my best and I gave everything in the Lord’s hands, he will guide me. I hope that he will change me and give me the humility (or whatever is needed) to be a “lady” as portrayed in this article. Or that he will show me my own way and teach me how to be a God-serving women with her individual character.
I believe in a Christianity which can share their belief and values and God’s love.
Don’t forget to pray for people who still don’t know (or acknowledge) that they can be fearless and whole with God.
Love, Vicki
Hi Vicki! Thank you for your comment. I agree with you that to be a Christian there are certain traits of character that need to be given up, selfishness for one. But I am not sure the “perfect” Christian lady is quite and not independent, and does not make up her own mind. After all, not every women is meant to raise a family and be a house wife (don’t get me wrong, I think it is very honorable if you do.). There is the example of Deborah in the Bible who was a judge and led the people of Israel during a very difficult time.
Deborah was strong, independent of men (but very dependent on God), and she is a great example of what God can do with person, if he or she allows. God bless you!
It has been such a blessing to read your blog! I appreciate the Biblical advice you give on each topic. I’m so thankful the Lord allowed me to come across your site. Your posts have been such an encouragement to me! 😊
I recently came across your site via Pinterest. I have spent the last eleven years raising my daughter on my own. I don’t regret it. It was that or risk her being physically abused as I was being abused.
At 52, she is 21 and I am moving to the next chapter of life. I do look forward to whatever God has in mind for me. I certainly hope it will include a husband. Until then, I plan on reclaiming the feminine part of myself I lost being both parents to my daughter.