Every young woman who is single will deal with it differently. Some enjoy singleness while others seem to despise it. Personally, I wish I would have begun treasuring my single years even sooner.
I am looking forward to the day that I marry the man God has for me, and get to care for a home and children (if that is God’s will for my life). But I would much rather be single than in a relationship that’s not meant for me.
Maybe you’re a single young woman and you feel a little worried. No eligible young man has made an appearance or maybe you’re still reeling from a failed relationship. Whatever the case, this post is for all of you single girls out there still waiting for “the one”.
Thoughts & Tips for the Single Christian Girl
1) Singleness is a gift
Singleness really is a gift whether you believe it or not. Being single often means we have more time, more opportunities, and more freedom. Some married women look back on their single years and wish they would have treasured them more. Don’t be one of them. Realize that singleness is a gift and start treating it like one!
2) A relationship will not make you happy
Being in the right relationship can definitely add happiness to your life. However, a young man is not going to permanently make you happy. You can be in a relationship and still feel absolutely unhappy. If you are looking for a boyfriend to make you happy, you both will be disappointed and miserable.
3) Being “desperate” is unattractive
Girls that are always talking about their desire for a relationship, aren’t going to attract the right kind of young man. A young woman who is content being single and isn’t sitting around waiting for a young man, is going to be way more attractive to the right guy when he does come around. Think about this… when Mr. Right shows up, do you think he wants to find you pining after guys and a relationship? No. He will be happy to know you have been loving your life and living it to the full while patiently and contentedly waiting for him.
4) No relationship is better than the wrong relationship
It is much better to be single then to be in a relationship that was not meant for you. Don’t ever rush into a relationship… this will only cause problems in the future and possibly heartache for the both of you. Know this: you are much better off without a boyfriend than in a relationship with the wrong guy!
Keeping these things in mind, let’s…
5) prepare for the future
Like I said, I wish I began treasuring my single years much sooner. This is the time to prepare for our future, work hard, save money, make memories, and cultivate the kind of character a godly young man will look for and treasure. This is also a great time to serve God while we don’t have the responsibilities that come with being a wife. Let’s take advantage of being single, while we still have the time!
6) grow Spiritually
The most important thing we can do in our single years is grow in our walk with God. Learn what the Bible says, memorize it, meditate on it. Pray and talk to God. Learn about God and learn how to walk with Him. Our faith and relationship with God will sustain us now and help us so much in the future. If we make God a priority while we are single, it will be easier to keep Him the top priority when we are married.
7) observe young men
I am not saying you should be checking out every guy that comes along. However, learn to observe young men. Watch how a young man treats his mom or his sister(s). Watch how he handles anger. Watch how he interacts with young women. Learn to observe so that you can discern between “godly” characteristics, “good” characteristics, and “ungodly” characteristics. The goal is not to find a “good boyfriend” but a godly boyfriend. Observe young men so you can discern the difference.
8) Observe married couples
I think it’s lots of fun to observe married couples. I think it’s super sweet when they still hold hands or give each other “the look”. By observing married couples we can learn so much. We can learn what to look for in a future husband and what things we would really like to avoid in a future relationship. Let’s observe married couples and learn from them.
9) Be-friend young wives and moms
Most of us aren’t that much younger than some wives and moms. Let’s befriend them and learn from them. We can encourage them and they can do the same for us. If anything, they may be able to give us a healthy dose of reality! 😉
10) Pray about the future
You may or may not choose to pray for your future husband. That is a personal choice… God doesn’t have marriage planned for everyone. Whether you pray for him or not is up to you… but we must be praying about our future. We should be praying for wisdom, direction, and guidance. Let’s make time to pray about our future.
More thoughts for the single girl…
I just mentioned that marriage isn’t for everyone. Maybe you are really worried now! Don’t let the fear of being “single forever” keep you from serving God or living a fulfilling life. If God hasn’t revealed a young man for you yet, you can be sure He has something wonderful in store for your life -whether it’s an amazing man down the road or a life of fulfilled singleness, choose to have faith in His plan. It’s tough but faith is so much better than fear. Just trust Him.
I agree with this 100%, Rebekah! Great post!!
Thank you for this post! I’ve learned so much about this recently, even though I’m still just a teen and have a while to go, and relationship is no where on the radar yet 🙂
First, I’ve learned that it’s not God’s timing yet. I’ve just got to live one day at a time, and He’ll give me the love of my life when it’s HIS perfect time. And until then, it’s obviously not time! I’ve just got to remind myself that God still has plans for me while I’m single, and it’s my job to make the most out of this time.
Second, don’t train yourself to look on the outward appearance of a guy. I know so many girls who like guys just because their cute. A merely cute guy is not who you want to marry – you want to marry who he is on the INSIDE. So, don’t fall in love with a guy’s looks, because looks are deceiving!
Third, observe young men, and evaluate them, like Rebekah said. Do they fall short in a non-negotiable area? When you’re in love, it’s easy to refuse to believe the dirty truth about the person you love. You tend to think of them as the perfect guy. NOT TRUE. If he misses the mark, run!
Fourth, be open and listen to your parents. Let them know who your crushes are (even if it’s a little awkward and embarrassing). It’s good for your parents to know what is going on. Get their opinion of the guy long before a possible relationship starts.
Fifth, realize that this day may come sooner than you expect! I didn’t expect any guy “drama” for years… and it happened. A guy started telling me how he felt about me. Granted, he was very immature and shouldn’t have said that at his age (it was immediately addressed).
But keep in mind that this type of thing MAY BE COMING SOONER than you expected! Know your standards. Talk to you parents and ask them what they want you to do if something like that happens or if a guy approaches you when you’re unprepared.
These are just a few things I’ve been learning lately. I hope they were a blessing to someone out there! 🙂
Great thoughts, Grace!! Thank you for taking the time to share. I am glad you are not getting ahead of things in the area of relationships. Stay focused on the Lord during your single teen years 🙂
I believe you are an adult now and I hope you can remember this
Thanks for this encouraging post. When is the last week of camp??
Hey Michaela, I’m back!! Last week was the last full week of camp and yesterday we finished the final camp retreat. I got back late yesterday afternoon 🙂 I will respond to your email soon!
Thank you for these great reminders! I’m 29 years old and I would be lying to say every day has been easy. But God has helped me to see my single years as a gift. I’ve had so many opportunities to serve and grow. Over the past year God’s helped me to see that if I’m not content in Him now I won’t be content once married either. And He reminds me regularly that singleness is so much better than the wrong relationship! Thanks again for the great reminders! 😊
Thank you for being honest, Laura. I’m sure some days are harder than others. Just stay focused on the Lord. Serving HIM is one of the most exciting things you can do with your life and being a single young woman allows you to have even more opportunities! Embrace any opportunities to serve our Lord!!
Hi Rebekah! I’m from Brazil and came to know your blog today (on Pinterest). Loved reading this post! God bless you always. ♡
I’m glad you found my blog -thanks for reading and leaving a comment 🙂
Hi there. Your phone post is powerful. Thank you for for the insight. I am now 68 and have turned down three proposals. Now I look back and at least with a couple wished I had’nt. It’s a lonely place. However My Father God fills in the company. I’ve prayed for a husband so I guess when the time is right or not, He will make it happen. Thanks again for your post. I live in California so I have a lot of options, but unless My father approves, it’s not going to happen. Will I know? Angela
Hi Angela, yes if it is God’s will for you to be married, He will show you who that person is at the right time! Prayer is key!
Amazing tips. I am mind blown and I see being single from a totally different perspective now. God Bless you and I love your blog.
Hi Sheila, hope this post helps you!!
Rebekah~
Thanks for your insight on this post. I am 38-year-old single gal with cerebral palsy. As time goes on, it gets harder and harder for me as I see I friends get engaged or married. Keep putting posts like this this out there. I hope you don’t mind but can I put your blog on my blog? Thanks again for your positive role model
I hope this post was a blessing!! Yes, you may share my blog on your’s, as long as you link back to my site. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the advice. i believe that our lives are not going to be the same as we grasp and put every word in action . as for me i’m quite encouraged yesterday i was praying for my future and every point that you have shared is true.I have a question , lets say you have find the Godly guy that you have been praying for and the guy did not court you you are still friends as usual . how do you deal with the matter should you let go the issue or should you continue to hold on maybe one day the tables will be changed and turn unto my favour ,some of the times you can include him in your prayers and the staff .
Hi Grace,
In the matter of being friends with a Godly guy who has not made any moves towards courtship, I would encourage the young woman to surrender him to Lord (so to speak). Meaning, give the situation to God, continue to pray about it, but be careful not to set your heart on something (someone!) that may never become a reality. I hope this helps!
Rebekah
This was such a blessing!
❤️❤️❤️
These are great tips. If not for me, then for my daughters. Thanks for sharing!
I hope they are helpful for your daughters! ❤️
literally best post thanks for share.
Thank you so much for the advice.
Such a nice article.
“faith is so much better than fear”
Love that! I definitely need to learn that lesson. Thank you so much for the godly truth and advice that you share on your blog!
This post was so helpful! Thank you for sharing such godly counsel! It is such a good reminder that God always has a perfect plan for our lives, and that we should seek to honor Him in each stage of our lives. This post was such a blessing, Rebekah. Thank you so much! 😊
Not a woman, haha. Still, I do have some thoughts.
I know there’s some disagreement over what Paul meant by calling singleness a “gift.” But Paul didn’t write his epistles in English. He didn’t call the state of singleness a “present,” I don’t think. In Greek, gift means an ABILITY. In this case, an ability to be single.
“Being single often means we have more time, more opportunities, and more freedom.” Sure, sometimes. A lot of the time, when you’re single, people tell you to “take advantage” of it because you can apparently “serve more.” You have more “time” to serve.
I think lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then MAYBE you have the gift of singleness.
Some other thoughts on the idea that a relationship won’t make you happy. Maybe you mean that it won’t bring you ultimate fulfillment. That’s true. But I’m sure a healthy, godly relationship DOES bring a certain type of happiness, certainly. I mean, if you’re in an official relationship, it means somebody evaluated you, found you worthy, and chose you. of course that’s going to make you happy, especially if this leads to a healthy and godly marriage.
Interestingly enough, a lot of research (almost all secular) indicates that married people are happier, have more and better sex, make more money, live longer and impact society more. It’s a societal foundation, apparently. Well, then!
Yes, marriage has its challenges. But there’s enjoyable and good things about marriage, too. Enjoyable and good things that, if you’re single, you simply miss out on. That’s certainly hard, and should be acknowledged.
Are you required to be “content” with being single? No, I don’t think so. I’ve also heard the old line about how you have to be “content” with being single before God will bless you with a spouse. I’ve always wondered about this idea, though. It’s rather strange, isn’t it? And where does the Bible day this, exactly? It seems like people invented this idea as a way to caution you about being “desperate.” Not because it makes any sense.
When you’re single, some people will try to encourage you with ideas like “this is where God has you right now.” But just because you’re currently single doesn’t mean that God wants you there. This idea is a little strange. What if I’m currently homeless, or unemployed, or being abused? Are those things happening because “God wants me there”? Often people teach this sort of idea when they talk about singleness.
The funny thing is that it actually seems counter to what Paul actually says in 1 Corinthians 7. What Paul says is that if you are single and not content….then go get married. Isn’t that interesting? Just because something’s happening in your life doesn’t mean it’s a “gift from God.”
Sometimes, when people tell singles to be content, they’re just citing personal experience. They’ll say things like, “I stopped looking, and that’s when I found my husband/wife.” They then assume that this means it was all “God’s plan.” They figured out The Formula, apparently.
I mean, if you’re striving to be content in order to be “ready” or “good enough” to find a spouse, well, that’s not really good, is it? Isn’t that somewhat dishonest? If I’m trying to become “content” so that I can get married…..well, then I’m not really content, am I? And what about every person who gets married early in life without really entering a long period singleness – were they content in singleness first? I’m gonna say no. If people were able to find true “contentment” with being single, why bother getting married?
I mean, what if if you’re currently homeless, or unemployed? Should you “learn contentment” in those situations, or do things to escape them?
If you’re single, you hear people pontificate to you about “contentment” all the time. In Philippians 4:12, when Paul reminds us to be content in whatever state we’re in, he’s referring to our ultimate contentment in God. There’s no requirement to force ourselves to be happy about every situation. Having and expressing the desire doesn’t make you weak. Admitting and expressing frustration and loneliness doesn’t make you weak.
A lot of times, singles will feel lonely in their situation. That’s fine. We can’t help that. But we can also feel guilty for being lonely because as Christians we have things to be thankful for and we’re often presented with the message that all the good Christians must be “content.” We’re also sometimes told that we have to be “content” before God will bless us with romantic love. This is a popular idea in modern church culture, but we’re not required to be completely satisfied with life, whether we’re married or single. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. We don’t have to repress our emotions or pretend that these situations make us happy. Nor do we have to pretend that these desires are unimportant to us. It’s OK to feel and express sadness and loneliness. We’re not going to disappoint God for feeling emotions that we can’t control anyway.
Ideas like this imply that your “season” of singleness will end once we learn to properly exercise contentment. Apparently all the married couples somehow mastered this, and reached some pinnacle of contentment that God approved of and rewarded accordingly. As if we can use a formula and reverse psychology to convince God to give us the thing we want. Sometimes married couples will tell you that their story went like this, that God “blessed” them with a spouse once they stopped “idolizing” marriage, or once they “stopped looking.” Or once they “learned to be content.” Cool story. As if that’s some sort of universal rule. The Bible doesn’t mention this weird idea anywhere.
If you want love/marriage/sex badly, well, you can’t make yourself “stop” wanting those things. What a silly idea. You’re not being “worldly” or sinful just by expressing desires for things like these. If Christians were able to repress or ignore these desires, why would any Christian ever marry?
Just some thoughts. I do love your points 5-10, haha. These are all good.